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My Life, My Thoughts..


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Xun Yun



Sunday, April 17, 2011 @ 9:00 AM
There's this question on my head that i would love to ask everyone, "Ever felt like you dont belong? "

Well, I did........

I can be surrounded by a sea of people and not knowing who i am. For example, whenever i go club and sitted there feeling sober, i will look at the people at the dancefloor. I would be wondering, Who am i actually? Why do i go to club so often that now im getting sick and tired of it alr. Tired of going home late. On the way home the next morning after clubbing, i will ask myself why had i changed so much. Probably because im legal now or just im escaping from reality.

Last night i went Powerhouse with my friends. I was feeling so depressed that i drank quite alot of alcohol and it kinda made me think negatively. Guess what, Someone puked on my whole body, so damnit lucky right. And when i smell that vomit smell on me, i went to the toilet to puke too. Cause the smell was overbearring. Like wtf. Lucky when i saw my friend in the toilet. Then when i look at myself in the mirror and asking myself this question:" who's this girl?". Seriously, the answer to myself was fuck you, fucking take off that mask. Then both me and my friend got out of the toilet and i started crying. My mind was filled wth my ex bf and myself. Embarrassing much by crying at powerhouse.

My other friends then came to find me, comfort me and talk things through my head. I guess my confidence level is really damn low. When i head back into the club with my head clear, i took off my covered blouse as i was wearing a sleeveless dress inside of it. People who know me would know that i dont wear sleeveless cause i have a pair of flabby arms. While dancing, i suddenly had the guts to go up to the platform to dance. I have no idea where my guts came from. &Fyi, i think i dont dance well.

In the past, i wouldnt give a damn to the clubbing nights ( ladies night/fri night/sat night). But now, whenever im home on either nights, i will feel very empty inside. Like i should be appearing at some club rather than home. Sigh~

Why am i like that now? Why do i feel like this? Why do i feel like i dont belong?

fuck it.






Thank you for those who were there for me last night at my most embarrassing moment of life.


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